» 5.2.2007 - Life as of Now

I seem to be stuck in a never ending battle of jumping over hurdles and ducking whatever life throws at me. I just wish I could get my life to a spot where I can slowly cllimb instead of just sort of lay stagnant and slowly inch ahead.

I have all these bills from the summer of 2006. Was the worst mistake of my life. I don't think that I've ever regreted anything in my life except for making all those bills possible. Because those bills have hindered me from getting anywhere in life.

I wanna go to school. I wanna become a web designer. I wanna work for some web design company and make web pages. But I can't do that until all my bills are paid off. I don't know what the hell to do. I just got sick, for like three weeks straight. Missed so much work, and now have medical bills because I didn't have any insurance to pay for them. Life pretty much sucks.

I want to have more freetime. I want to be able to have time to sit down and work on this site. I want to have time to sit and write in my journal that I keep at home that I never write in. I wanna have time to draw, scribble and doodle!

I wanna have time to play StarCraft with Danny. I wanna have a lil extra money so that I can go places and see things. I wanna be able to save up to buy a new car, or maybe even just keep the one I got for a while.

But I can't. And its my fault. I blame myself for a lot, but this ones my fault. I should have been smarter. Why is it some of the worlds best people, have to learn the hardest of ways. I mean I'm not a dumb kid ya know? But still, I had to learn the hard way. Guess thats why the world is the way it is. Because everybody fucks up.

Bleh. Maybe I should go bankrupt, I just dont know.

I wish life would lighten up.

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