» 10.6.2007 - Morning After Post

I'm still dealing with emotions, it doesnt help when you have dreams about certain things, and certain people. I can't even remember what the dream was about, but it stays with you, it stays in your head for some reason.

From trying to sever the feelings for one of my ex's, to being friends with another ex, knowing deep down they still really don't like being around you. It's really upsetting. I don't know how to explain it, I'm over her, but I have this feeling that lays tucked inside. And I can't seem to shake it. I try my best to forget, but I can't seem to purge some of the memories far enough from my mind.

I hate being "human" I hate having to deal with all these thoughts and emotions. I've been dealing with them since forever, it doesnt stop. I wish I could just not care. I wish it was easier to get over stuff.

"I have the ability to mentally detach myself from emotion, and the agility to dementedly slash your flesh with a motion."

— Necro

I wish it was so easy to detach emotion. I could only dream of such a thing. Some people do it so easily. Some people can disconnect some of the emotions and thoughts that I find essential in being a good person. Some people are able to be so self reliant, they dont realize that other people actually deal with the stuff thats happening in their lives.

I don't really know what to do these days. I wanna just drive around but I shouldn't waste anymore gas. I wish I had something or somebody in my life. But I don't. I can't even post up this website and these posts, because I don't have fast internet. Even if I wrote more stuff I wouldn't be able to update it. Its so lame. My life stinks.

"And I ... don't want to live, and I .... don't wanna die, I ... just have to laugh, cuz I ... don't want to cry"

— Rehab

So anyways. Idunno. I gotta go to my moms for supper right now, she's gonna try and make a close to salt free spaghetti meal, err ... I'm scared of low salt stuff, cuz if you don't get it right, it tastes like shit.
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