» 9.05.2008 - Fucking Cramp

I was gonna lable this "updates in my life" or something of the sort. But just when I wanted to get a picture to put up on here, i got this searing cramp in my fucking leg, inner thigh. Its really difficult to sit on this bed without it tearing back into my leg muscle. I mean son of a jesus christ. It finally subsided a little bit, thank god. I get headaches from coughing up phlegm ... sucks, right?

Sickness|: So i've been sick for about a week now. It slowly got worse, and now is slowly getting better. It was ok until my lungs decided to fill top to botton with phlegm. I can feel it in my lungs. I feel a little better but I guess when I get sick my pulse goes way up to 100 beats per minute. Which isnt too terribly good. I'm sick of my heart problems affecting my everyday life. I don't think anybody could really try and think of what it'd be like to have heart problems, for the rest of your life. Which brings me to my next topic.

My Weight|: I need to lose weight. I've needed to lose weight my whole life. I need to work out on a regular basis, and start eating foods that are good for me. And I need to stay trim, stay fit, stay athletic, etc etc. But I am far from any of that. I just wish it was easier to accomplish things in life a person knows they need to do. But unfortunately its not that easy. Especially when I'm working at Taco John's, standing up all day. And that brin gs me to my next topic.

My Job|: I really need to get a new job, hopefully at wps. I hear its kind of shitty there, but I need a real job, where I don't have to stand up all day. If I'm not around fatning foods, i wont have to eat it everyday. And if i don't have to stand up all day, I won't be so tired to work out. And if i have a better paying job, I might actually be able to afford a membership at the princeton club.

Other Shit
I've come to a new understanding, that over 50% of my ex gfs, are horrible people. People that I don't even want to know anymore. Don't want to HEAR about anymore. And I think over 50% of my ex gfs probably think the same about me. But whatever, they can go impale themselves on a cock for all I care. Jesse is an anorexic over-smiley bitch. And Lori is a dried up preggy got fatty loves cocks-a-lot "i dont care about society's reaction to my actions, i'm not the problem" slut.

Lets see, i work my ass off at 2 jobs for a year, most of that money spent on my vast dvd collection, then I get heart problems. So my working 2 jobs for a year was almost pointless cuz all the bills i had been trying to pay off, now I have doctor bills. And to top it off, my now ex roomate, stole about 1000 dollars worth of dvds from my collection. Making my life prior to now so worthless. What a fuckin punk huh? Its such bullshit. Why doesnt he try workin his ass off to buy his OWN shit? Because he cant even hold ONE fucking job for more than ... 6 months.

Idunno. I actually have freetime to myself right now, its actually very nice. I just wish I didnt have to work all weekend, to make up for at least some of the hours i missed because I'm sick. It sucks, cuz i'm already fuckin broke, and i had to miss fuckin work. Its bogus. I don't ever get a fuckin break, its always something.

To top everything off with ... my mom has a tumor on her pancreas which spread to her liver, she's going to chemo and all that. From what the doc said ... people don't usually seem to survive from this sort of thing, its rare. Unless he's just saying that.

The only REAL good things happening right now .... my friend Danny and I are friends again, or shall I say brothers again. We settled all our shit, and both made a pact to try to never let it happen again. I think we both realize we wouldnt want to be without each other ... kinda like ... soul brothers or something like that.

And the second REAL good thing happening right now ... I'm dating an absolutely terrific girl. We don't fight all the time, we get along, we care about each other, we express how we feel towards each other, we talk it out when we have problems, it doesnt feel fake like all my other bogus relationships, she's actually a really nice n sweet girl unless my other girlfriends. I think I brainwashed myself to like my other gfs, cuz i have no idea what i saw in them now. Her and my mom get along absoultey GREAT. Where-as none of my other gfs at the time, had even tried to make conversation with my mom. Or even knew who she was ... ... if I had two people in front of me, one being my mom, the other being anybody from this world, and i had to stab one of them to death one hundred times, I don't care who it is, my mom would be left unharmed. She is a saint, and one of the kindest most understanding people on this earth. Never has she made me feel outcasted, like I don't belong, like everybody else does.

Anyways .... thats all for now folks. I hope tomorrow goes fast. Its saturday. And I have to work. Blehness. I won't see Alicia for another week. Grr ... brokeness ... no gasness ...

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