» Relationships

The Purpose of This Page: This page is a remind to myself, I mention the good things in the relationship and try to stay away from the bad. That way, hopefully I convince myself it wasnt a waste of time, there were fun times involved. Although some relationships are hard to view as anything but a waste of time.

Alicia |current | We just started officially dating recently, but Alicia and I have been friends since summer 2007. I've come to realize that we have shit tons of stuff in common.

I was gonna stay single for a while. But theres no way I could pass this girl up, I would be a complete idiot to. It'd be one of those things in the back of my mind for the rest of my life.

She's cute, sweet, wonderful, fun, interesting, sexy, a big dork. Basically everything thats fresh all in one person. You'll never know which relationships will last, and which ones will fail. But ... if you don't take a chance ... you won't ever know what would have happened.

A Quote From Me:
"My gf can kick the shit out of your gf"

Do I Post Up A Picture Of My HighSchool Crush?

First H.S. Crush — Kelsey. I had the biggest crush on her. The way she walked, the way she held her books, her hair, her accent, even the way she cracked every bone in her body. I dont know what it was about her. I wanted so bad to just chill with her, just once. I asked her once, she said yeh, but then had other plans, she wanted to reschedule, but i was holding my friends first code and decided not to cancel hangin out with my best friend at the time. Stupidest thing I ever did. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Bros before hoes, but not if you haven't chilled with the girl yet. If your bro dont understand, fuck him.

Hard To Post A Picture When You've Got None!

First 1/2 GirlFriend — Tiffany, I thought her and I were goin out, we went to the movies, did the hand rubbing thing, i walked her to her door and she forced a kiss on me, my first kiss (lol, forced), well she did force it on me, but i was willing. She stopped receiving my phone calls, couldnt talk anymore. I later found out I was the 2nd guy. But its a good memory. I wonder where she is? I think once when i was takin a walk near my moms friends house she tried giving me a ride, but i declined, it had been a long time, so i didnt realize til she was gone. Maybe it wasnt her ... hmmm. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I girl offers a ride!? I think i was dating somebody at the time, i cant remember, lol. But then again, I'm not even sure if it was her.

First Girl-Friend — Jessica, I recently went through my 'memories' drawer, and read all the notes that she had written me when she was in class, and it brought back all the memories from back then. The time she'd spend making me things to give to me when I saw her.

I met Jessica online, we were friends a good six months before we dated. Really good friends. We talked all the time, made sure to be on at the same times, so on and so forth. Well I went up to meet her for the first time, and it was just crazy. Meeting somebody you have feelings for, and love, but have never seen. I remember walking in the door, noticing how cute she was. She was showing me some picture album, and she looked at me, and i looked at her, and thats when we had our first kiss.

Things were really great with Jessica, we did fight often towards the end, but its to be expected, both of us being so young, me not having any relationship experience before, so on and so forth. But she was just great. The problem was, I had never truly dated anybody before, so I couldnt live knowing I hadn't dated a lil bit more.

So I broke up with her, a day before our one year anniversary. It sounds bad, but she knew I was having these feelings for a couple of months. After that she didnt seem to want to talk to me, didnt seem to want to be friends. I'd call her and she wouldnt want to talk. I guess I was still in love with her, for probably a good half year or year after I had broken up with her. I sometimes think it was a stupid mistake. But as I look back at things, my life would have been totally different, and I like a lot of the experiences I've had.

I wish at some point her and I could chill or somethin, her current bf would get jealous if she hung out with me. It kinda sucks not being able to settle things with somebody you need to settle things with. I disliked her for a while, I got snappy at her a couple times thru text messaging, but honestly, after the year of 2006, I just want to chill with her and give her a big hug. Because rereading my journal entries and all that, she was a big thing in my life back then, and before we went out, a good friend.

First Fiance — Becci, I met her during highschool. She was a freshman, I was a senior, yeh a lil weird, but I thought she was pretty cool. I didnt actually get to know her until after highschool had ended for me. I helped her mom move, and her and I just got closer as time moved on. Our first kiss, I leaned in and she jumped back and was like "what are you doing!" or something like that, and I was like, uh I was gonna kiss you ... and she was like "oh, sorry" it was the funniest shit ever.

lol, I remember the sleepovers in Danielles closet, she had a bed in her closet. I remember the movie High Fidelity (lol). Drinkin with Brandon or at Jessicas house. The time we went to the mall of a america, I got so drunk off Everclear, that I couldnt even sit up in bed. The day after, me feeling so terrible, not wanting to really be at that mall. I remember that cool ass artist that drew our charactures.

So many memories, a lot of the smaller ones forgotten, but a big chunk of my life was invested in that relationship, probably why I had so many issues after the breakup in 2006. We were engaged and all that, moved in together, but things had changed too much, we had became different people. All the fights added up, a lot of stuff said on both our parts we could never forget. I mistake of mine that I truly regret.

I wish things could have went a little differently than the way they did. But she's the reason for why I'm so far in life. I admired her so much for having two jobs (my mom also had two jobs) she supported me verbally while I was such a waste of life (no job, income, etc) and stood by me. Even after the break up, when Jesse broke up with me, she was there for me, for advice, support, etc. She even gave me a hug while I was crying (even though she's not a hugger).

So many great memories, and fun times. Like I said, I just wish our relationship had been a lil smoother, with less fights. I don't regret going out with her. Never. Without her, I wouldnt have had somebody to move out with, and that was crucial for me to start being a little more independant. For that, I thank her greatly.

I was searching for some pictures to put up here, and I'm lookin at those old pix of us, and its crazy how long ago that was, how much younger we both were. Its crazy how much both of us have actually changed. And also how much we haven't changed.

Jesse — I dated Jesse for only 5 months, but everything at the time was going perfect. She made me feel and gave me faith in women again, it took a while, but I slowly started trusting her feelings more. Up til then she was one of the first girls that made me feel sexy, even when naked in front of her. I know I'm not sexy to the average population, I know I'm overweight, but she made me feel so accepted. She gave me compliments, said I was the sweetest guy, etc etc. It was great.

She broke up with me because she didn't love me 'like that'. It broke me, i drank and smoked for a month straight, then delt with my shit. I ignored her for a while because I had to get those feelings I had for her out of my system.

Before trying to stay out of contact with her though, we went to the Opera. I had never seen an opera, it was one of the best times of 2006. When I looked over at her, I still had hearts in my eyes, but it was more about the show than hanging with her. Although I haven't met many who will actually go to an opera with me.

We later sat down, hung out, talked about a lot of stuff, and got to a point where I thought we both respected each other. I later found out some stuff that really upset me. I felt betrayed as a friend to her, so now I really don't speak to her. I turned down an opera show she invited me to, which was prolly my last chance to go to an Opera since nobody will go with me. But oh well.

5 Months of my life wasted.

Ashley (shlee) — Only dated for a couple of months, but it was interesting. She's such a cute, fun, caring girl. There were times she'd ask whats wrong, etc. It was nice to know she cared what I thought. But I don't think we fit enough. I wish the best for her in her future. I respect her a lot because she's talked to me a couple times when I was really depressed and made me feel better. And hangin out with her got my mind off Jesse. I think knowing her has eased my life a little bit. For that I'm greatful. Just like with every girl I've dated, theres still that spot in my heart for you. Once I've given my heart I can't take every last piece back.

We've hung out every once in a while since, we're still pretty good friends. I have a lot of fun when I'm with her, I hope to take her to the Icp concert in oct, necro is also gonna be there, its going to be the best Icp concert I've ever gone to. Hopefully she'll go with, I don't think itll take much convincing, she was gonna go to the gathering this year (2007).

I can't really explain the amount of respect I have for Shlee, to get along right off the bat after the break up, without having to talk things out or things be weird. For her to be there for me when I need to talk, and need a friend or friendly advice. It means a lot.

Lori — Not much I wanna say about this relationship. She filled every void I ever had, and filled my heart with more pain and marked it with more scars than any other person. I don't really have anything to write, because theres really nothing good that came out of this relationship. I lost a portion of my heart, I lost a portion of my best friend, I lost my faith and trust in women, and learned that all good things come to an end.

Lori has come to be the biggest mistake I've ever made in life. If she hadn't broken my heart I wouldn't have tried to drown even more of my life in work. I increased my hours greatly after she broke up. And to think I tried to be friends after she cheated on me.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

Reflections in a Puddle of Mud

I would have spent the rest of my life with almost every one of the girls I've dated. Its not because I'm hard up for a girlfriend. Its because I respect what I'm handed in life. Jessica was my first girlfriend, I'll never forget her. I had lots of fun times with Becci, lot of first experiences with Becci. I wish things went better, but they didnt, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything. Jesse was wonderful at the time, and I was lucky to have somebody like her, but I guess that wasnt in the cards. Shlee is a wonderful person, and I'm lucky to have met her and have her as a friend in my life. Lori I think showed me to be a lil more risky, cuz its fun. She also taught me to not fall for people so quick. Not to be so trusting until you know them for an extended period of time.

I don't regret dating any of them. At certain times I do. But on the overall, I don't. They've made me the person I am today. Maybe right now I need to be on depression meds, but in the end, I'll be something greater than I am right now. And hopefully I'll meet a girl some day who is so sweet, and honest about her feelings, and knows who she is, and what she stands for. Somebody I can do everything for and not worry about whether I'm going to regret it later. Somebody who loves who I am, in and out of the relationship.

"After all this time, I never thought we'd be here, never thought we'd be here. And my love for you is blind. And I couldn't make you see it. Couldn't make you see it. "

Blind by Lifehouse

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