» 10.10.2007 - Need Therapy & My Day

I've decided I'm in need of a major therapist. I read something today, I don't really wanna say what. I don't know why. If this were my home journal which nobody saw, or certain people, I'd write it. But its not, its seen by everybody. Or it will, someday when I finish this blasted site and upload it.

Anyways, it got me depressed. But its something thats in the past, and I have to realize, no matter how much the content of what I wrote doesn't make sense to me, no matter how much it boggles my mind why it was ever written, I need to realize, somethings in life are unsolvable, or should be left unsolved.

I am in need of a therapist though. I just wish I could afford it. I really need to talk to somebody about all these feelings, somebody who can give me some input and direction. Its lame that even though I'm so intellegent (in my own way?) that I put myself through such stupid situations and thought patterns. I'm human, I know that. I've always had a problem with overanalyzing and overthinking. I don't think that can be changed much. But I do have to learn how to deal with it. I just wish I knew how. I've never been one for being able to accomplish something I don't really want to accomplish. And when I don't want to accomplish something, I pretty much stand my ground.

Idunno. I have so many issues over so many things. Don't have money for a therapist. Grr, idun fuggin know. Bleh, fuggin BLEH.

Today otherwise was a good day. A customer that comes through drive all the time (real nice lady) gave me her number and said if I ever need anything, that I can call her (she knows about my heart problems, always asks how I'm doing). So I thought that was pretty cool. Its always cool when somebody you know, but not that well, shows that they have a heart, and/or care about your well being.

I got my first check since I've been back to taco john's (i have bills being taken directly from my check) but my leftover income was 36 bucks. I was excited as all hell like it was my first check I've ever earned. I didn't think I worked enough to have any money left over. I went out and bought 28 weeks later (that I've wanted since it came out yesterday). If you bought it with Wrong Turn 2, you got both for 25 bucks. Which is good, cuz they're 18 bucks a piece, they go up to 20 bucks next week. So thats fresh. Now I got somethin to watch. I haven't gotten a check in like a month and a half.

Then later in drive-thru this guy comes through, see's my hatchet charm, and he's like, "is that the Icp logo?". I'm like, "yeh, their record logo, you'll see it on that car back there too". and he brought up Tech N9ne and how they have a lot of energy, we just chatted back n forth a lil bit. He hands me this cd ands like "these are my boys". It was a sampler, they're actually pretty fresh. Sound a little like Atmosphere, and atmosphere is fresh as hell. Cd is pretty good actually. I'm prolly gonna try and buy the full cd when I can. I'll prolly be posting up their link on the main nav somewhere. I heard they're a local group. Always like to support any local shit thats fresh as hell.

Anyways, even though the depressing thoughts. Today was a good day.

btw, idunno how many more weird pics I can think of, before my ideas run dry.

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